20 years - that's how long I've been out of high school. I remember back to that day, standing on the football field, in my home town, with all my friends, excited about the new found freedom that would be college and what the future had in store for me.
I had my plan set - college, become CPA, establish career, marriage, buy a house, children. Oh, how I just knew this would happen; in that order. I should be a soccer mom of 2 still living in Newton, Kansas according to
my "plan".
But plans are meant to change, and they do change, because we're not really in charge of the timeline or the ultimate plan and besides, who
really knows what they want when they're 17 anyway???
To tell you the truth, here it is 20 years later and I still don't know what I want. Do I really want kids or not? Is this the career for me?
Fear of the unknown scares me. What if I have a child with something wrong? Would I be able to take care of it? Would I be a good mother? Would Sean be a good father? Does this world have anything to offer that I would even want to put a child through? Would we have to just pick one city and live there? Would a different career provide me the flexibility my current one holds...and the salary? What if I suck at something else?
As my niece begins the next chapter in her life and my nephews head off to high school I wish for them a freedom from this fear of the unknown. I wish for them to go out into the world and live it like
they aren't in charge of the timeline or the path but
He is.
For my niece that is yet to begin her education, I wish for her that we don't ruin this world so that she can have the kind of life she can't even begin to dream of yet.
As for me, my life hasn't followed the path I planned for but I wouldn't change it for anything. I wouldn't have ended up with my
loving husband,
Duke,
amazing friends in multiple states,
seen the world or found myself
living in Maine half the year and Texas the other half. I learn to dismiss the fear that holds me back a little more each day and trust that God is in charge of the timeline and the ultimate plan and that He wouldn't present me with any situation that I could not handle or that wouldn't make me grow.