fear and the future

20 years - that's how long I've been out of high school.  I remember back to that day, standing on the football field, in my home town, with all my friends, excited about the new found freedom that would be college and what the future had in store for me.

I had my plan set - college, become CPA, establish career, marriage, buy a house, children.  Oh, how I just knew this would happen; in that order.  I should be a soccer mom of 2 still living in Newton, Kansas according to my "plan".

But plans are meant to change, and they do change, because we're not really in charge of the timeline or the ultimate plan and besides, who really knows what they want when they're 17 anyway???

To tell you the truth, here it is 20 years later and I still don't know what I want.  Do I really want kids or not?  Is this the career for me?  Fear of the unknown scares me.  What if I have a child with something wrong?  Would I be able to take care of it?  Would I be a good mother?  Would Sean be a good father?  Does this world have anything to offer that I would even want to put a child through?  Would we have to just pick one city and live there?  Would a different career provide me the flexibility my current one holds...and the salary?  What if I suck at something else?

As my niece begins the next chapter in her life and my nephews head off to high school I wish for them a freedom from this fear of the unknown.  I wish for them to go out into the world and live it like they aren't in charge of the timeline or the path but He is.

For my niece that is yet to begin her education, I wish for her that we don't ruin this world so that she can have the kind of life she can't even begin to dream of yet.

As for me, my life hasn't followed the path I planned for but I wouldn't change it for anything.  I wouldn't have ended up with my loving husband, Duke, amazing friends in multiple states, seen the world or found myself living in Maine half the year and Texas the other half.  I learn to dismiss the fear that holds me back a little more each day and trust that God is in charge of the timeline and the ultimate plan and that He wouldn't present me with any situation that I could not handle or that wouldn't make me grow.

splashes of color

with so many trees

we have a lot of green around camp

to subdue the amount of green

and to hide the fact that some plants have no leaves due to deer thinking my garden is their supper table

we've been adding splashes of color around

oh, and in anticipation of special visitors soon - an herb garden

with lots and lots of mint...  :)

rolling in the deep

I totally love that Adele song - don't you?  I sure can belt it out alone in the car...or with Sean in the car - it doesn't matter and he LOVES it...

You know you do it too...I've seen you in your car just a singing away.  Tonights belting out song was Bad Girls by Donna Summer though...was totally rockin' the 70's station!

Toot toot, yea, beep beep!!!

If you've ever been in the car with me before you know I can make up my own words like adding "Duke" for the word "you" or just making up the words altogether cuz I don't know the real ones...or I just like mine better...

I think Duke would change the Adele song to "rolling in the mulch" - what do you think?

What's your favorite song lyrics you sing that aren't quite right???

comin' alive

Camp is coming alive - literally and figuratively!

We have just about gotten Camp pulled together and ready for a summer of fun and sun.  Biggest thing left is to get the rug put back on the dock - we loving refer to the dock as the "frying pan" right now.

The flowers have been making their way through the mulch and all the wildlife has been zooming around as happy as can be.  We also finished the landscaping around the new steps.

But the most amazing thing I've seen in some time is the birth of a dragon fly.  I noticed him just as he was slipping his tail out of his cocoon but of course I didn't have my camera handy - I was busy planting new flowers.  By the time I got my camera he was out but what I was able to capture was the development of his wings - watch as they transformed allowing him to ultimately fly off.

memorial day

Our memorial day was spent with great friends just enjoying what Camp has to offer.  Since the addition of the stairs we are now kid friendly...

and of course they always love to "swing" on the hammock...

there were boat rides...

and swimming...

and bonfires...

which of course leads to roasting marshmallows (or burning them - whichever you prefer)!!!

Very relaxing day catching up with all the Maine friends - we went to bed very happy, but very tired, people!  How was your holiday weekend?

the project

Since the wedding is over the amount of projects we do at Camp has dwindled down a lot. We had one more semi-major project left. Sean wasn't there - which was a good thing.

It was a little nerve-racking trusting a perfect stranger maneuvering rocks that weigh who knows how much this close to Camp.

It will be so nice to have easier access to our little beach!!!

We still need to add some erosion control to our little pine tree and to get the moss to come back in that area but for the most part it's done.  When it's completely done I'll post a new picture.

 
I love how natural it looks - like they've been there for years...

rain, rain

stay today...
go away Memorial Day!!!

It's been raining since we got to Maine.  It cleared up long enough for us to get our "project" done (I promise - pictures to come).  I love all the rain but seriously after a winter with 120+ inches of snow is it really necessary?  Why can't all the rain spread out over the summer?  Then we wouldn't have to water and all our flowers (and the yard) would still be beautiful.

but when the frogs are trying to escape you know it's rained way too much...

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Don't worry - no frogs were harmed in the taking of these pictures...